I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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