Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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