all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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