i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
