im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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