I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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