If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
