thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
