you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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