Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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