i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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