i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
