Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my sisters under your porch take her home
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
