it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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