I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
