This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
