If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
