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Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
