We got so high we made milksteak
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
