all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
