There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
