I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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