She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
