This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
