THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
