dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
