I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
