Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
