I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
