so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This baby is an asshole
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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