bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize