I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
