i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
