I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
