I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is it because I queefed?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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