Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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