Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
