well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
