Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
