Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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