And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So apparently I’m into choking now
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