I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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