There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
