i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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