as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
