Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
