don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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