I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize