So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
