I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
