remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
