you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
