her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
