i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
