youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize