I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
