Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
