i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it glows. i had to have it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
