Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
