Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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