my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
