you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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