I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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