He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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