i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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