Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
