it's too hot outside to masturbate.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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