Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
