i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
