Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
